you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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