Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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