my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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