like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
