i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
