I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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