she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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