She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
