Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
