I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
