I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
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If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
this just has baby written all over it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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