So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
