Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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