there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
