I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
