I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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