So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I supernannyed him into submission
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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