Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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