The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
