why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
