I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
