The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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