At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
