The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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