I hate your face
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
