Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
