Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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