You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
