I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
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