Betty ford says i'm here all night
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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