Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
