yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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