I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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