I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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