First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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