One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
