If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
