Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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