Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.