a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.