i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
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Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
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Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!