His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
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just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
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we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works