We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
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Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
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him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.