My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE