considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
