I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize