is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
