Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
