the condom got lost in my hair
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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