i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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