I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
