I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
