why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
