theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
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He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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