We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
