he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
