There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
it glows. i had to have it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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