how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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