wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
