Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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