Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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