sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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