Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
