i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
