I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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