You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My vagina just clenched in fear
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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