Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
