I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
