I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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