You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
