Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
