Tell her she can't have a vagina
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
