was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
