do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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