a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
