Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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