smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
