so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
