I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
