So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
did i just pee glitter
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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