I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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